Interviews with the Shadow World
by Madame-Bovary-was-framed
Summary: So you wanted up close and personal? Well here it is. : Just some funny interviews with the cast and crew of the MI world- dead or alive. Rated T for a reason- some sexual references.
1. Jace the Eightes Hater

**Okay, this little series came to me while writing a review reply to someone over the topic of my little 'conversations' with my characters in Confessions of a Lovestruck Shadowhunter (refer to Ch4 & 5 at the bottom.) Basically, I'm going to interview/interrogate the characters of the Mortal Instruments world. Haha I'm going to have fun with this! Onwards I say.**

**^I wrote this a while ago. I've had this interview in the cupboard marked 'Storage- Warning! May contain un-invisible Shadowhunters' ;)**

Dr. Bovary: Today, I would like to introduce to you Jace Herondale...that is your name right?

Jace: Uh, I'm currently undergoing an identity crisis as most fanfics have stated.

Dr. Bovary: I can believe that. I myself have stated that in one of my own.

Jace: Really? Then why did you ask?

Dr. Bovary: I didn't.

Jace: Suuurrrre.

Dr. Bovary: Scroll upwards, doof.

Jace:*scrolls*Yes you did!

Dr. Bovary: I asked if that was your name or not, followed by a confirmation that I could believe that you were going through an identity crisis.

Jace: Pft. You were implying a question. I know you were. *raises eyebrow*

Dr. Bovary: Mmmhmm. *scribbles on notepad*

Jace: *looks over shoulder* Hey! I do not like question questions!

Dr. Bovary: Yes you do.

Jace: Do not.

Dr. Bovary: Have you ever noticed people getting pissed off after you reply to a question that they have just asked?

Jace: What kind of therapist are you?

Dr. Bovary: One that's trying to interrogate you for the enjoyment of others. That's beside the point seeing you just did it again!

Jace: Did what?

Dr. Bovary: Questioning my questions!

Jace: Is this real? *looking at the back of framed documents*

Dr. Bovary: Yes, why? What are you looking for?

Jace: Those stamped fake signs you see on the back of fake legal documents in movies.

Dr. Bovary: *scowls**scribbles once more on notepad*

Jace: What are you writing now?

Dr. Bovary: How you can't seem to stay on topic, Mr..uh...?

Jace: Just pick one.

Dr. Bovary: I'm going to go with Wayland.

Jace: Why? That one started it all!

Dr. Bovary: Because it sounds sexy.

Jace: Are sure you're accredited to be doing this?

Dr. Bovary: Sure. Anyone with an imagination could.

Jace: Right. And I'm a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Dr. Bovary: You'd make a good looking sandwich then.

Jace: Mm Clary thinks I'm tasty too.

Dr. Bovary: *closes eyes* Eww, I did not need to hear that, Mr. Wayland.

Jace: Yet, you still think I'm sexy.

Dr. Bovary: Moving on. Since you bought up Clary, let's move onto that issue.

Jace: Are you saying that she's an issue? *stands up and towers over Dr. Bovary*

Dr. Bovary: No, right now I'm thanking my lucky stars for confiscating those knives off you before you came in.

Jace: You didn't find them all.

Dr. Bovary: Whatever, back to the question. Are you glad, after all the angst and heartbreak, that Clary is not your sister?

Jace: uh...Is this a trick question?

Dr. Bovary: Why would it be?

Jace: You've read the books. Of course I'm happy that she's not my sister.

Dr. Bovary: Okay then. Ever had any doubts?

Jace: What?!

Dr. Bovary: No just wondering. Because there are plenty of girls out there that would give an arm or a leg or even give up their hair straightener just to go out with you.

Jace: Yeah, they're just jealous.

Dr. Bovary: So I'll take that as a no then. *scribbles*

Jace: A 'no' to what? You can't seriously want to go out with me when you know I'm spoken for.

Dr. Bovary: That's such a girly line. Only we females say that when idiotic guys try to make a move.

Jace: Look who's avoiding the question now.

Dr. Bovary: Am not.

Jace: Are too!

Dr. Bovary: Pft, this is ridiculous.

Jace: You're ridiculous.

Dr. Bovary: Your face is ridiculous.

Jace:*mouth is currently a gaping chasm.*You did not!

Dr. Bovary: I did. However, it doesn't matter anyway- I wrote 'no' on my notepad to say that you weren't available.

Jace: Oh. But how can you think that! *points to face* Everyone wants a share of this masterpiece!

Dr. Bovary: Not anymore, Mr. Wayland, you're _taken_.

Jace: You're jealous...once more.

Dr. Bovary: Ah... I'm not obliged to respond to that.

Jace: Why? Are you embarrassed that you have no man to protect you from the big bad demons?

Dr. Bovary: No, no, I have my super, psychiatry confuzzeling language skills for that.

Jace: o.O Okay then.

Dr. Bovary: Moving on. I'm going to play a song and you have to tell me the mental image is conjured up by it.

Jace: Righto.

Dr. Bovary: Okay, first song. *presses play on CD player*

CD Player: _Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one. When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run. Gun it comin' off the line Sharona._

: Grr Wrong song.*presses next*

CD Player:_ Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona..._

Dr. Bovary: Gah STOP!

Jace: You listen to that?

Dr. Bovary: You think that's old? I was playing Simon and Garfunkle the other day ON RECORD!

Jace: Whoa! Like those big, black CD looking things that were used back in the 50's?

Dr. Bovary: Yep.

Jace: Woooow. I totally take back what I said when I caught Clary listening to Tears for Fears.

Dr. Bovary: Yeaahhhh...

Jace: Don't tell me you listen to them too?!

Dr. Bovary: Guilty.

Jace: *slaps hand to forehead* I'm surrounded by people trapped in the 80's.

Dr. Bovary: Okay this one's it. *presses play once more*

CD Player: _I'm in the business of misery//Let's take it from the top//She's got a body like an hourglass//That's ticking like a clock//It's a matter of time//Before we all run out//When I thought he was mine//She caught him by the mouth//I waited eight long months//She finally set him free//I told him I can't lie//He was the only one for me//Two weeks and we caught on fire//She's got it out for me//But I wear the biggest smile//Whoa, I never meant to brag//But I got him where//I want him now//Whoa, it was never my intention to brag//To steal it all away from you now//But God, does it feel so good//'Cause I got him where I want him now//And if you could then you know you would//'Cause God, it just feels so//It just feels so good._

Dr. Bovary: Observation?

Jace: Maia, Isabelle and Simon.

Dr. Bovary: Why?

Jace: Well it sounds like Maia stealing Simon away from Isabelle after we all got back from Idris. Just the lyrics that reminds me of their little 'triangle' thing going on.

Dr. Bovary: Okay. *scribbles away* Next. *presses play*

CD Player: *Final Countdown theme*

Dr. Bovary: ...Why are you laughing?

Jace: *smirks* I had an image of those gay-ass super heroes walking slowly down a road with their capes blowing in the breeze.

Dr. Bovary: Gay-ass?

Jace: Seriously, they have nothing on us Shadowhunters.

Dr. Bovary: True. *scribbles while humming*

Jace: OH MY GOSH! I saw you at Gloria Jean's the other day!

Dr. Bovary: Did not. *looks down*

Jace: Haha! I did! I remember you singing along to this while reading a magazine and drinking your tea.

Dr. Bovary: I don't drink tea. Coffee is more my thing.

Jace: Anyway, you started dancing and singing as you walked out of the cafe. I was wondering why your hair looked so familiar- its colour is very distinctive. And so is your voice. You were just wearing big sunnies so I couldn't see your eyes.

Dr. Bovary: So what? I had a coffee while listening to my iPod and started to sing. What's the big deal?

Jace: You forgot the part where you face-planted it.*laughs*

Dr. Bovary: *blushes* Oh yea. I forgot because my bruises have finally healed.

Jace: Oh, I am so telling everyone that the oh-so-"graceful" psychiatrist fell on her face while singing an 80's song.

Dr. Bovary: *narrows eyes* You wouldn't dare.

Jace: Oh I would.

Dr. Bovary: *sighs* What do you want me to do?

Jace: Take back your comment about my gorgeous face.

Dr. Bovary: Never.

Jace: *plummeting whistle*

Dr. Bovary: Fine. (Can't believe I'm doing this) I think your face is flawless and perfect in every way.

Jace: Thank you.

Dr. Bovary: *grits teeth* Last one. *presses play again*

CD Player: _I got you, i got you on my mind //And it's time to make you see (what i want) //So i'll just make this a little more obvious //Cuz i get what i want, and i want you to get with me! //Don't think you know //How far im gunna do //You can't stop this, feeling! //You can't run away, baby i'm whats on your mind //You can't stop this, feeling! //There's no escape, //No sleep tonight, You won't get, no sleep tonight_

Jace: ...

Dr. Bovary: Jace?

Jace: I am _so_ not answering that one.

Dr. Bovary: Why? I'm open to anything.

Jace: Oh so you really want to hear about how Clary and I got a lil hot one night and she said, well screamed more likely, that she wanted me to fu-

D. Bovary: OKAY!*covers ears*

Jace: -her senseless? *smirking*

Dr. Bovary: I am not here to listen to your sex life, despite how good or bad it is.

Jace: Oh it's definitely in the green.

Dr. Bovary: Don't want to hear it!

Jace: You said you were open to anything.

Dr. Bovary: I didn't mean explicit information like that!

Jace: You know you love it.

Dr. Bovary: Not really.

Jace: Am I done here?

Dr. Bovary: Yes, I think that about wraps things up. It was nice talking to you today.

Jace: More like dissecting me.

Dr. Bovary: That's what I do, hon.

Jace: Oh, I am so not warning Clary what she's going to be put through. *smirks*

Dr. Bovary: Well everybody, I hope you enjoyed our little chat today.

Jace: Cher.

Dr. Bovary: The singer? I thought you weren't into the 80's?

Jace: No, like as in yea crossed by the girly term 'check yes' I believe.

Dr. Bovary: Okay then. Well this was Dr. Bovary...

Jace: ... and Jace Wayland...

Dr. Bovary: Signing off! Goodnight!

Jace: See ya.

See something you like? Well I do. It's that green button down there. You know you wanna press it, just to say that you saw something you liked- even if it wasn't my little interview. XD


	2. Magnus: Overdramatic and Immature

**Hey Guys. Thanks for all the reviews- rock on. **

**Big thank you to...**

**~ SopheyHasLegs- for the persuasion to do Magnus's interview next. You owe me all the money in the world now- kidding! And no I will not do Magnus cos that's Alec's job. Lol. I shall steal his glitter instead.**

**~Caitlyn Herondale- for the AWESOME threat. I put it in the chapter cos it was so good.**

**And...**

**~TheLlamasWillTakeOverTheWorld- just because you reviewed first. Btw- I heart your profile. I'm going to steal a few of your questionnaires. : P**

Dr Bovary: Hi guys and welcome back! This week on the show we have the ravishing Magnus Bane!

Magnus: Hay guys.

Dr Bovary: *whispers* You ready?

Magnus: *nods* Yep.

Dr Bovary: P! *uses arms to make a P somehow*

Magnus: A! * does the same except an A*

Dr Bovary: R! *you get the point*

Magnus: T!

Dr Bovary: Y?

Magnus: CAUSE WE'RE FRICKEN AWESOME!! *slams hands on chest*

Dr Bovary: Gosh, you weren't supposed to scream it! This isn't an emo band.

Magnus: Oh you want it to be.

Dr Bovary: Gah, no. That music's in my emo/angry playlist.

Magnus: Sure. Is that why you're emo slash angry all the time then?

Dr Bovary: *tsks* Warlocks!

Magnus: Excuse me? Are you dissing me?

Dr Bovary: Nope. More like generalizing.

Magnus: Fine then. *tsks back* Therapists!

Dr Bovary: Yeah right, pay out the educated one here.

Magnus: Hey! I'm 300 years old! I know a lot more than you.

Dr Bovary: Right.

Magnus: Was that a challenge?

Dr Bovary: No. *scribbles on new notepad*

Magnus: What the hell did you just write?

Dr Bovary: That is confidential.

Maguns: If you don't tell me, I will park it, set up a tent and start making loud animal noises all night under your window.

Dr Bovary: ...

Magnus: That's what I thought.

Dr Bovary: Anyway, moving on. How was your week?

Magnus: Good.

Dr Bovary: Care to elaborate?

Magnus: No.

Dr Bovary: Do you always answer in one word sentences?

Magnus: No.

Dr Bovary: Are you sure?

Magnus: Yes.

Dr Bovary: Okay then.

Magnus: Doctor?

Dr Bovary: Yes Mr Bane?

Magnus: Why...?

Dr Bovary: Why what?

Magnus: Do...

Dr Bovary: Do what?

Magnus: You...

Dr Bovary: What did I do?

Magnus: Answer...

Dr Bovary: I can't answer you if you haven't told me the question, can I?

Magnus: My...

Dr Bovary: You're what?

Magnus: One...

Dr Bovary: Are you just chucking random words at me?

Magnus: Word...

Dr Bovary: You are, aren't you?

Magnus: Sentences...

Dr Bovary: Wow, so you're not just repeating one syllable words you found flicking through a dictionary?

Magnus: With...

Dr Bovary: With what!?

Magnus: Questions...?

Dr Bovary: What questions? I...*thinks over his previous words* That was so not funny.

Magnus: I think it was.

Dr Bovary: Well I can add another thing to your list of 'What Magnus does best.'

Magnus: Which is...?

Dr Bovary: Knows how to piss people off. *scribbles harshly*

Magnus: You forgot that I piss girls off most. Especially when they find out I'm gay _and_ taken.

Dr Bovary: I'm sure.

Magnus: *Nods* It's true.

Dr Bovary: And how many guys do you piss off?

Magnus: Mostly Jace.

Dr Bovary: Yeah, I can believe that. I interviewed him last week and you guys would be like chalk and cheese.

Magnus: Who says that anymore?!

Dr Bovary: Oh come on! What is with you people being against me and the eighties?!

Magnus: A- you weren't born then. B- That saying is so old that it makes the gramophone looked new!

Dr Bovary: ...

Magnus: I leave you speechless a lot, huh?

Dr Bovary: Yep. *scribbles*

Magnus: Ha, I have that affect on people.

Dr Bovary: I'm sure you do. Now, speaking of being gay and taken, how's your relationship with Alec going?

Magnus: Great! His parents love me.

Dr Bovary: What's that got anything to do with your relationship?

Magnus: You know, I tend to avoid conversations about my sex life.

Dr Bovary: You _know _I didn't mean it like that.

Magnus: *shrugs* Just 'cause you don't get any.

Dr Bovary: Excuse me, I don't want any. I'm perfectly happy being single.

Magnus: Being single doesn't mean you can't have one night stands.

Dr Bovary: Ugh, does sex rule you male's lives?!

Magnus: Uh, yea. Sometimes.

Dr Bovary: *Shakes head and scribbles* Moving on. The next activity is I'm going to say a word and you are going to respond with the first thing that pops into your head. Okay?

Magnus: Got it.

Dr Bovary: Ready?

Magnus: Get on with it.

Dr Bovary: *scowls* Laptop.

Magnus: Japan.

Dr Bovary: Why?

Magnus: Clary.

Dr Bovary: What?

Magnus: Jace.

Dr Bovary: Okay stop. Why are you answering with names?

Magnus: I'm saying the first thing that pops into my head when you asked me the question.

Dr Bovary: No I meant _why_ did you say Japan when I said technology?

Magnus: Ohh so the fact that 'why' and 'what' remind me of Clary and Jace doesn't really count?

Dr Bovary: No sorry.

Magnus: That's not very therapist like.

Dr Bovary: Don't care.

Magnus: *mouth is gaping chasm*

Dr Bovary: Seeming as I know what you mean, I'm moving on. Next word: pencil.

Magnus: Rubber.

Dr Bovary: Why?

Magnus: Clary.

Dr Bovary: *raises eyebrow*

Magnus: Okay, because pencil and rubbers always go together.

Dr Bovary: Pony.

Magnus: Girls 'cause they always want one when they can't afford one.

Dr Bovary: Pyjamas.

Magnus: A sexless night. No explanation needed.

Dr Bovary: Agreed. Asylum.

Magnus: The Ring because the movie has an asylum in it.

Dr Bovary: *shudders* I've seen it. Shopping.

Magnus: Debt... and Isabelle not surprisingly.

Dr Bovary: Basketball.

Magnus: Gangsters because their pants hang "low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low..."

Dr Bovary: Nice. Flo Rida would be proud.

Magnus: Pft, I was there when Hip-hop was born. He's got nothing on me.

Dr Bovary: You're very connected to the past aren't you?

Magnus: Yeah, I guess so.

Dr Bovary: *scribbles* Anything else you want to talk about?

Magnus: Yes. Who are you doing next?

Dr Bovary: Well, I was planning on doing-

Magnus: *chuckles*

Dr Bovary: What? I only said- ohh, you are so immature!

Magnus: *laughs*

Dr Bovary: Well that's all from us today. This is Dr Bovary-

Magnus: -and the magnificent Magnus Bane...

Dr Bovary: *sigh* Signing off. See ya later guys!

Magnus: Cheers.

**You like? **

**Then drop me a line through a review. :) **

**B.**


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